saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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