is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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