Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
