Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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