i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
