I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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