my mouth tastes like poor choices
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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