Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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