We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
