I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
