Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
