mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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