There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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