i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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