I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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