I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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