she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
