she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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