don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My breasts were aching with rage.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
