He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
