i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
