Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
