the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
