He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
