How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
