She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
