They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
