Will you blow on my dice?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
false alarm, still single
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
