all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
