Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
