i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
