dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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