I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
