peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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