I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
