She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
