Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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