I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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