he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
