Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
