got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
