No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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