Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
