How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
