so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
