The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
