Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
