You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
