I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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