It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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