I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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