UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
