Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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